Watching Ben in P.E.

I had a chance to sit in on Ben's P.E. class on Monday.  The physical therapist leads the Monday class and gives assistance and directed tasks for the children to follow.  She had assessed Ben in September and he qualified for the PT assistance, and she invited me to come visit to see how they do things.

I was surprised by the roller coaster of emotions that I felt while I was there.

• Joy - In seeing Ben, sitting outside the gym while waiting for the previous class to leave.  He was doing such a nice job sitting and waiting, and it makes me happy to see his little smiling face.
• Anxiety - While watching Ben twist around and try to get away, or run off from his paraeducator.
• Embarrassment - When Ben doesn't want to perform a task (or maybe doesn't understand, but I suspect a lot of it is our German stubbornness distilled to perfection in him).
• Guilt - Over the embarrassment and wondering if it's wrong to be embarrassed when your child with special needs acts up or can't manage.
• Pride - When Ben performed tasks, some of which he performed really well.  This particularly is true when it's a task that he's had to work on, like throwing and catching a ball.
• Admiration and Gratitude - For the therapists and paraeducators who work so patiently with all of the children.
• Love - All the time.  But especially when he ran up to me during class a few times because he wanted to see his mom.

I was sitting there thinking about how easy it is for some kids to just go to PE and play.  I wish everything wasn't such a challenge for Ben.  He loves to run, and jump on a trampoline, and bounce on a big ball, but the structure can be difficult for him.  I know that it's important for him to learn, but I wish that it wasn't so hard for him to learn everything.