Anger

I'm finding myself getting angry with my mom this morning. I was talking with her yesterday, making plans to bring the kids down for a visit today so she can give them a few little things for Valentine's Day. She asked if we'd done anything and I told her I had a scrapbooking day with friends and that James and Rachel had a Daddy/Daughter Day. (James and I also went out to dinner on the 13th, when our church's college group had a Kids Night Out, but I didn't tell her that.)

She then told me about all that my oldest brother did for his family. 2 dozen roses for his wife and chocolates or something, and balloons for his kids. She said he always "does it up" for her and is good about that.

Even though she didn't say anything about James, it still felt like one of those situations where I needed to defend him. I didn't, though. Not really her business if we make a big deal out of Valentine's Day or not. We never really have because it seems silly to make a huge deal on this one day of the year because marketers say that we should. Shouldn't we be treating each other special throughout the year and looking for little things we can do and say? And if we're doing that, then Valentine's Day is a nice day to be reminded of love, but doesn't have to be a production.

Anyway, I'm still annoyed about it today because it felt like one of those "Look what a good guy HE is" types of things. I don't like that I'm now in a situation where I feel like I always have to be on the defense, or where comments that wouldn't have stood out to me in the past now do. I don't like that she's so stubborn that she may never admit that she's wrong, even if she thinks it. I hate that our relationship is tainted and will likely never be as close as it once was, even if it gets better. And I find myself not wanting to spend time with her lately because it feels like work.

This is better than at Christmas when I wasn't even sure where I stood with her and if she was going to cut off all contact, but I'd sure like to be a long way from this. Frankly, I would have liked if we'd never gotten here to begin with, but that can't be changed now. She still needs a better job, but more than that, she needs some serious emotional and spiritual healing, and she needs to grow up. It sounds out to say that about a 62-year-old woman, but she truly does lack maturity in some key areas of relationships. I hope that there's a time in our relationship when I can gently suggest counseling, because I believe she'd greatly benefit from it. But that time is not now.