So, it's been a long time since I've written a post. February was a really busy month. I hosted 2 baby showers and had quite a bit to do for each. I was supposed to take a Wilton Flowers & Cake Design course on Monday nights in February, but I ended up cancelling last minute because it seemed like too much to try to do that along with Rachel's dance class on Tuesday evenings, Awana for her at our church on Wednesday evenings, choir & worship team for me on Thursday evenings and small group at our house on Friday evenings. I decided to wait until it's summer or close to it so that activities are beginning to subside and it's not as crazy. I just can't commit to doing something every weekday evening. I know my limits.
I also had a cold and the flu throughout the month. Still getting over the last bit of the cold, which bookended the flu. Our whole family took turns passing the flu around, but thankfully only once for each of us. Hopefully we've gotten it out of our systems for a while and will be able to enjoy a good long period of healthiness.
We've been having our ups and downs with Rachel. Lots of frustration over trying to get regular tasks accomplished without drama and nagging. It's difficult to even have a conversation with her about setting goals because sometimes I can't get her to pay attention long enough to talk with her for 2 minutes. I'm still reading the book The Explosive Child and am planning on working through the process to see if it can help, but I can't imagine that it will "fix" things to the point that it will be all we need to manage her behavior. I firmly believe she has ADHD and would not be surprised to find that a low dosage of medication would bring about a world of change in how she's able to handle conversations, responsibilities, frustration, etc.
I'm irritated that our pediatrician largely seemed to dismiss my concerns. We filled out a Vanderbilt Assessment Form, which checks for ADHD among other issues, and she had 12 out of 18 indicators for ADHD. But we circled "Above Average" for how we'd rate our relationship with her, instead of "Problematic" or "Somewhat of a Problem," because we feel we've managed to keep a positive relationship with her despite our struggles and that she does feel loved. We explained that in the comments section and said that there are plenty of days where we're at wit's end and do have problems.
But because we didn't have a particular number circled, the pediatrician says she doesn't have ADHD. I think that's bull. And now we're having to deal with more drama and frustration and difficulties while we wait for things to play out so that we can press the point and push for further evaluation or a second opinion. I could do that now, but I'd like to give the book's methods a decent shot before I then contact him again.
In regard to Ben, we had some concerns about how verbal development and whether or not he was comprehending things we were telling him. He also shows aggression and gets frustrated sometimes, which we felt was largely related to not being able to communicate as he'd like to do. We were referred by our pediatrician to the Birth to Three Developmental Center, and Ben had an evaluation a few weeks ago. It reflected that he's delayed in every area evaluated: Adaptive skills (like self-care and feeding), Cognitive, Expressive Language (what he communicates to us), Receptive Language (what he understands of what we're communicating to him), Fine Motor, Gross Motor and Social/Emotional. He's behind enough on every skill to qualify for services.
That was a serious blow to us. We knew that he was behind on some things but figured he'd catch up, and we just didn't know where he should be for his age. It didn't seem like he was all that different from the other boys in the church nursery who are close to his age.
Also, because Ben is turning 3 on May 12, he only qualifies for services through Birth to Three until then. After that, he qualifies for services through the public school district and will need to get any additional therapy through our insurance. Ben would be able to start preschool on May 12, but only for a little over a month until the school year ends, and it would be the afternoon session. He gets tired and cranky and still naps on many days, and I can't imagine that it would be helpful for him to attend an afternoon preschool session for 4 or 5 weeks while cranky. Instead, he'll be starting preschool for 2 3/4 hours a day, 4 days a week in September.
I was not planning to send him to preschool so soon and it was upsetting to think that I'd have to do so. The upside is that preschool will be of no cost to us, the teachers are trained to work with children who have delays, and they will work with us to help potty train him when he's ready. There are a lot of benefits, but that doesn't make it less upsetting that Ben is delayed enough to require this kind of help.
It's dismaying not to know if there's a cause for his delays. When a child has as many delays as Ben does, it's called Global Developmental Delay, and there's a lot of scary stuff on the Internet about causes for it or prognoses for some of those who have it. We don't know if there's a reason for it; if Ben will always be delayed, and if so, how far behind he'll be; or if he'll be able to catch up with other children his age and this will be resolved with little to no aftereffects. We have no idea what to expect.
I called our pediatrician's office and asked for a referral to a developmental pediatrician, one who is an expert at evaluating children with delays to determine a cause, if one can be determined. I just called the developmental pediatrician's office and found out that they'll send me a packet once they have reviewed the referral to make sure Ben qualifies as a patient. Then once I fill it out and return it (and make sure that it's all filled out completely and correctly), they have an 8-month waiting list. EIGHT MONTHS. Are you freaking kidding me? We have to wait a minimum of 8 months from when they receive our completed packet to even start the process of finding out if there's a major problem, and in the meantime, just sit around in ignorance, hoping that things will be okay? They mentioned that the Seattle Children's Center has developmental pediatricians as well but that their waiting list is longer.
So frustrated right now.
I know that God gave Rachel and Ben to us specifically and that we are the right parents for them and they are the right children for us. I believe that things will get easier with Rachel and that it won't always be so frustrating with her. I hope that Ben will benefit from the playgroup he's in, the speech therapy we've started and the occupational therapy we'll be starting as soon as we get a slot with a therapist. But I have no idea what to expect as far as his future goes. I don't know how fast or how far he'll progress, if he'll ever be able to keep up with other kids his age or if we need to just completely reset any expectations. I don't know if our dreams for him will be within his reach. But I adore my kids, and I wouldn't trade them for the world.
I think we're going to need to lean on God an awful lot through this. I gave my burdens to Him yesterday and really did feel them lifted from my shoulders, but I suspect this will be a regular, and at times daily, process.\
And I know that we're fortunate when there are people who lose children to terminal illnesses and horrible events, or whose children don't even interact with them and show awareness, or who desperately want children and are unable to have them. We're blessed in many ways, and I'm grateful, but sometimes I just want to wallow a little in self-pity and frustration and anger. I'm glad that God allows that, too.
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