I've decided that this is the year I'm finally losing all those extra pounds I've been carrying around for far too long. It's not a resolution - there's no "I hope that I can stick to this and lose some weight this year..." I've decided that by my daughter's birthday in June, I want to be 33 pounds lighter.
Originally it was 30 pounds, but somehow I've already gained 3 pounds since that decision. I hadn't started actually cutting back and consciously eating in a more healthy way and exercising when I made the decision, and apparently I did some damage in the meantime. I guess 3 pounds isn't horrible, though, considering it was the holidays and I received a fair amount of yummy sweet stuff in my stocking.
Even more disheartening is the fact that, about 6 weeks after giving birth in May, I was about 15 pounds lighter than I am at the moment. I'd actually lost the baby weight plus 12 pounds from where I'd started pre-pregnancy, only to squander all that and end up right back where I didn't want to be. I think a big factor in that was the gestational diabetes I had during the pregnancy. Once I was able to eat more freely again, I just went nuts and had no self-control.
So I need to reprogram my brain in terms of what I need to be eating most of the time and when it's okay to indulge. I need to realize that I don't *have* to have dessert every day. I am a snacker, though, so I'm also getting myself into the habit of healthier snacks in the evening. Instead of eating cookie dough, for example, I'll have an apple with some peanut butter. I do love buttered popcorn and don't plan on giving that up, but I haven't had any in probably 4 or 5 days and am not going to eat it as often as I had been. Oops, just realized I had some at the movie theater 3 days ago, but it honestly didn't taste all that great compared to the home-popped kind with real butter. I think next time I could go for a smaller size and be happy with it. Plus I get out to the movie theater so rarely these days that it's not like that's the root of the problem.
I have had little to no self-control when it comes to what I eat, and that's changing. I'm not happy being this size and am danged if I'm going to go to the next size up. It's time for me to be a healthier weight and a size that I feel better about. I'm sure my cholesterol and blood sugar could stand to see an improvement, as well.
And if I need further motivation, I can remind myself of this:
My 4-year-old daughter and I were at a store when she saw some SlimFast. She asked what it was and I said it was something that people could drink if they want to lose weight. She said "Why are you still fat?" Ouch. I know that I'm overweight but am not obese, and it really bummed me out to find out that she thinks of me as fat.
So 2009 is the year of the slimmer me. I'm not going to post actual starting weight until I've lost some, because I just don't feel the need to blurt it out while I'm still that heavy. Just know that it's 33 pounds more than where I want to be. And heck, if I lose 35 or 40 pounds, all the better! But I'll feel I've achieved my goal once I hit the 33.
It's going to happen. Oh, yeah.
i know your pain, and i feel like this post could have been written by me. i'm also determined that this. is. the. year! :) good luck!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Heather. You too! I think I've turned a corner this time. I'm seeing it as a health issue and not just a self-esteem one. Plus I know that it won't work to try to deprive myself because then I go overboard once I cave in. So it's going to be about moderation and replacing some things with other healthier choices, and making sure I'm exercising every day, or almost every day.
ReplyDeleteOf course it will happen. Look, I don't think I could have had the self-control gestational diabetes or not. So the fact that you can be incredible during pregnancy means you must be able to in normal life.
ReplyDeleteTo add on the encouragment - it is also essential for Rachel to see that if mom (e.g. a female) gets unhappy, then she doesn't waste years staying there, but actually does whatever she needs to to concentrate on herself and her goals to achieve them. It's the whole... go woman spirit you want to instill in her by showing it yourself
I thought about the gest. diabetes thing, too. If I have a powerful enough motivator, I'll do it because I don't have another option. I think I need to stop feeling like crappy eating is an option available to me. I can choose that, but I'll just continue to be bigger than I want and unhealthier than I need to be. So it's not all that attractive an option. Heck, for that matter, smoking could be an option for me, but it's one that would make my breathing more difficult (and certainly singing, too) and my lungs nasty and my clothes and hair stinky and would set a bad example for my children.
ReplyDeleteI think it's all about a changing perspective, for a lifetime. I don't do well with "diets" and trying to restrict big categories or count points or any of that. I couldn't function on the gestational diabetes diet long-term because it's so rigid and you really do need to eat so often that you find yourself tired of shoving food in your mouth. It kind of takes the pleasure out of eating. I need to be more French and eat for the enjoyment, but in moderation, and make sure I have lots of healthy stuff along the way.