January Blog A Day: #20 Beautiful

I am beautiful
No matter what they say
Words can't bring me down
I am beautiful
In every single way
Yes words can't bring me down
Oh no
So don't you bring me down today
-- Christina Aguilera, Beautiful

You know, I appreciate the intention of this song, but I don't think it holds true for many people.  Being told that you are ugly *does* bring most people down.  It's hard to hear something like that and not believe it to be true.  Or to believe it to be true, but not be bothered by it.

Way back when I was in junior high school at a small private school, the boys in the class gave nicknames to all the girls in the class.  I only knew the initials of my nickname, which were H.G.  I badgered one of the boys, who was my friend, to tell me what that meant.  I should have left well enough alone, because I came to find out that it meant "Homely Girl."  Nice.

Granted, my haircut was not at all flattering as it was growing out from a shag that wasn't that cute to begin with.  But for boys that age to be so cruel was just really astounding.  That nickname made me feel insecure and ugly for years.  I didn't shake it off until I was in college, really, and was on a mission trip to Brazil with other students and a few advisors.  We had a discussion about how we are valued by God and about how the true name that we carry around for ourselves deep down inside should derive from His estimation of our worth, not our own or what we've been told by others.

That was the first time in years that I realized I'd been carrying around the nickname of Homely Girl since I was 11 or 12 years old.  There was an undercurrent of nasty oppression that was within me all that time, affecting how I felt and how I acted.  It was a true revelation.

I didn't shake it off overnight and start to sing "I Feel Pretty" whenever I passed a mirror, but I think that was the beginning of a lot of healing within me and of being able to see myself more accurately.  I do believe that true beauty is that which we have within, and that needs to our emphasis in our lives.  But most of us want to feel attractive on the outside, too, or at least not homely.

I think that if you are able to hold onto a strong self-image and not let the words of others bring you down, you are a lucky soul indeed.